We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
