i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
