I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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