I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
