My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
