Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The adults are the big ones right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
