Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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