I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
