If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
