I think I died a long time ago.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
