I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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