I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
