Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
