new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize