my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
