Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
