there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
