I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
