She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
