i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
