Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
