is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
