I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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