i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
