Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
pray to the hookup gods
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
