I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize