Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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