i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I did not marry a roomba.
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