I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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