the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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