I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
