They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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