How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
