she woke up with a sticky ear
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
