i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
