dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize