You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
