what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
