This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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