Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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