My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
