I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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