Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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