Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
