I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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