hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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