I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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