He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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