You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
