I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
