I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
