Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how drunk are you?
Several
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
