I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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