So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
