I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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