Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
