I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
