I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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