My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
