so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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