And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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