Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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