Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
