saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
