idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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