He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
