At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize