I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Randomize
