from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
